The Power of Connection
Warm nights are one of my favorites. I remember years ago, when I was in graduate school in Chicago, the feelings and sensations of what it would be like after a long day of classes and back-to-back clients from internship. I dreaded coming back to the apartment: plopping down only to stare into space, sinking into nothingness. But, it was times like these where I knew I could drop it all — the backpack, the burden off my back, at least for the moment, and comfortably slip on my sneakers and head out.
Walking around neighborhoods in a city is one of the things I absolutely enjoy doing. “What a privilege”, I thought to myself as I walked out. As much of my identity is tied to my ‘Asian-American-ness’ and being a minority, it doesn’t exempt me from experiencing and having privilege. I am always reminded of the privilege I have of living in a relatively safe neighborhood, of being able to afford and have choices of where I’d prefer to live, and even being able to walk outside and not be (completely) filled with utmost fear. So, it is this privilege that I am thankful for in recognizing and even enjoying on countless nights in the city of Chicago. Walking gives me opportunities to see my own neighbors, places, and homes around my apartment and the spirit or the culture in the area surrounding me. I’ve realized that I get such comfort from being able to catch glimpses of the televisions through the windows or curtains as I’m passing by these well-lit homes. Perhaps it’s the comfort of knowing that everyone is simply just living their lives… seemingly ‘normal’, or at least giving off that sense of normalcy.
Change can feel sudden and drastic
With transitions such as: moving away from familiar people and places, planting oneself in a new culture and environment, entering a new life stage, change itself can be and feel seemingly sudden, drastic.
Now that I have moved out of Chicago and into the city of Seattle, I have found myself confronted with ways to grasp at connection, at fighting the feeling of being alone. Even more so when I moved from an urban setting in Seattle to a suburban one. With the specific transitions and change of close friendships, now to long-distance friendships, or even no more friendships at all… loneliness can be inevitable. Especially now while we live in this pandemic, COVID-world, we’re all the more confronted with how to really connect with others.
Yes, just because I’m a therapist, doesn’t mean I never feel the concept of loneliness. Yes, just because I am married, doesn’t mean I never feel alone or far away from what it means to feel sadness. But in all this, I was reminded of the power of connection. The feeling of an every-day ‘good morning’ from my partner has he wakes up, the weekly Netflix watch Parties with my long-distance friend, chatting with strangers about a shared love for dogs at the dog park, a phone call or visit to the elderly parents or grandparents in your life, the touch of their hands on top of yours assuring you that you’ll be okay. There is power in being connected, small or big.
epidemic of loneliness
In a NYT article, Heather Murphy described studies that showed recipients of “thank you” emails, notes or letters, actually felt more “ecstatic” than the writers expected. Ultimately, what can also be derived from these findings is that it is another piece of connection people can create and have with each other. Nowadays, with the rise of social media and technology making connection with others seamless and “easy”, you would think the sense of belonging and loneliness have diminished. In a sense, I truly believe that social media has played a huge part in keeping people connected and together. But at the same time, there can be ways that this goes awry and contributes to the epidemic of loneliness altogether.
Years ago, a good friend of mine wrote to me in an email, “crazy interesting to see the difference in society culture between one of the poorest countries in the world (Benin) to one of the richest (Switzerland). I’ve reflected a lot about how having such rich society makes it more difficult to build new communities and relationships because people don’t need each other like they do in developing countries.” What a reflection. What brings the connection pieces to the next level of relationship building? What does it mean to need each other? And why is it deemed a ‘weakness’ here in America, to admit that we do, in fact, need each other. In the midst of all our “stuff” (or lack thereof), are we making meaningful connections? We, as human beings, are created in such a way that is filled with diversity, no two people are the same. Yet instead of relishing and collaborating with the differences we bring to the table, we oftentimes only know how to isolate, fight, or oppress the other. We lose and miss the opportunity for connection, for the power of belonging.
Benefits to connection
Loneliness can contribute to physical and emotional health manifestations such as: heart disease, type 2 diabetes, increase of stress hormones, insomnia, depression, anxiety. Yet, connection and belonging may strengthen your immune system, recover from diseases faster, lower rates of depression and anxiety, increase self-esteem, openness, empathy, trust and cooperation with others. This connectedness therefore generates a positive feedback loop of social, emotional and physical well-being. Wow, am I right? These benefits to connection are POWERFUL.
What a difference it makes to come out of hiding. What a difference it makes to have a safe space, whether it is physical or through others embodying trust and compassion. Cherish the connections and meaningful relationships that you have in your lives right now. And for those who don’t, if you are willing, take a leap of faith and reach out, search for the little (or big) ways that you can be connected and begin the journey of building safe relationships around you.
It can be as simple as sending that text you’ve been meaning to, facetime a friend or family member, going outside and taking a walk in the city or neighborhood. You can even start right here, right now – if you aren’t sure what to do and would like to start making meaningful, authentic connections, please do not hesitate to connect with me!